Brad Carps

Becky and I have two very different styles of grocery shopping. I shop like my mother, entertaining possibilities while traversing all the aisles. She swears to never accompany me to Target ever again.

Behold, our compromise:

I print out two copies of a spreadsheet of items, with columns for Item Aisle, and Meal. When creating the list, I sort it by Meal, and delete (or hide) the dinner meals. Then, we add the items we want, along with the aisle it’s in. When we have all the meals for the week ready, I sort it by Aisle, and we split it in half in such a way that we get the aisles we’re best at.

I’ve noticed that we tend to optimize for our circumstance, but one of the reasons I enjoy the conversation of programmers, scientists, and philosophers is that the effort is explicit and frequent. Little improvements like these can go a long way. For example, this is just a first draft, but Becky did not run the cart into me or leave me behind once!

This is Eric Smith.

Back in October, he was responsible for distributing the company newsletter and calender PDF files for my employer. As you can see, he used a photo of himself.

Like any good employee who prints out and uses company calenders, I used mine for the entire month. And then in November, when the next one didn’t arrive. And in December, and ever since, because frankly, the new person just didn’t have the same pleasant demeanor as Mr. Smith.

Sometime within the first week, I added a speech bubble with a sharpie, so that he would say “hi” to me. I found this to be very positive!

Fresh Potatoes described me as “the weirdest white person she knows.” My response was that she probably doesn’t know enough white people and that we all get this way as we age.

Scientology strikes me as a twisted Buddhism, as envisioned by Kilgore Trout and sold by Coca-Cola. Instead of eliminating delusions and attachments, you pay a conglomerate to remove physical “thetans.” Great scheme.

We put Otaru down yesterday morning. Despite our efforts, his urinary tract problems became too severe and it was clear there was nothing more we could do.

I buried him in the yard and marked his grave with a ring of stones.

Click this picture to see an album of some of my favorite pictures of him. I’ll be adding more as I upload them.

I have more I’d like to add, but maybe another day, when I am less emotional.

I’m not a particularly devout Buddhist, but I would like to share the only teaching that has ever truly resonated with me, that I’ve ever “learned”:

Be kind to life and aware of reality, in that order.

On the surface, this seems like a reversal of the order of The Four Noble Truths, but in my opinion, fostering a sense of kindness in one’s practice should be a greater priority for novices than awareness.

We say that the goal of our practice is to liberate all beings from suffering, but if we ourselves don’t respect life, then we cultivate a walled garden: beautiful, lonely, and separate.

I won’t be so arrogant to state that centuries of doctrine need to be rewritten, but certain societal realities must be kept in mind when spreading the dharma. The people of the United States, for example, tend to be extremely detached from the consequences of their choices, myself included. We express outrage at the BP oil disaster, yet don’t hesitate to drive less to reduce our petroleum dependence. We condone racism and desire peace, yet vote for people and political parties who send our military to further selfish and unethical interests in the name of “exporting democracy.”

There are countless examples, but awareness requires empathy and empathy has it’s own prerequisites. For example: I thought I “understood” race and class struggles from growing up in Detroit, but until I recently experienced adversity and poverty myself, working a menial, unskilled job, I didn’t know the depth of my white privilege. The experience of the past few years completely altered my perception, and I have a somewhat more focused path for my awareness; I’m no longer stumbling in the dark. I may be fumbling around in a dimly-lit room, but I stand a chance of finding the light switch!

I don’t encourage everyone to voluntarily subject themselves to adversity if they don’t have to, but I do recommend engaging in acts of kindness to grow one’s empathy and compassion, such that the path to awareness is more clear. Here are some suggestions:

• Volunteering at a charity is something I highly recommend. Soup kitchens, homeless or animal shelters are always popular. The Salvation Army, The Red Cross, The United Way are all staples that fall under this banner. It’s usually best to volunteer locally, if possible.
• Your local church can also make good recommendations, though you might want to make sure it’s not one of those entertainment megachurches.
• Several government websites have been created to facilitate local volunteerism. Serve.gov is the first that comes to mind.
• Random acts of kindness do make a difference. Do a case study with one of your coworkers or family members! One of my favorite things is smiling and waving at people who absolutely do not expect it, such as fellow drivers on the road.

I’m going to try to talk about something difficult for me because I think it will be cathartic and a good writing exercise to me, and perhaps shed some light on an unknown corner of my life for all my friends.

I don’t like to talk much about when I am depressed or sad or going through hard times. I feel like a whiner, like my former coworker Fern, who used to constantly complain about her medical problems, or like one of the countless emo kids on LiveJournal, filling the internet with more crap than it already has. I don’t like to be a burden. I feel like it’s rude, and I think other people would rather read or hear about something else.

My parents are like this, to varying degrees, so it’s partially a learned behavior. But I can’t dump it all on Becky. It’s not fair to her, and it’s not fair to my friends that I keep to myself when I get this way.

I don’t mind bearing the burdens of others; I like to help people in this way. I can’t generally offer tangible support, so I at least like to keep people in good humor, or help relieve or distract them. The more I analyze it, the more I realize that there is a gray area, and discussing this doesn’t make me a whiner.

So I’m down about a lot of things lately.

• Otaru’s health (my cat) hasn’t improved since he had that costly surgery a few months back. He’s dying slowly, and there isn’t money to put him down at the moment.
• It’s a daily battle to keep the house from smelling, as the cat is mostly incontinent.
• My job search hasn’t been fruitful during this month of unemployment.
• Becky and I are still having problems making ends meet, and it’s a regular strain on our relationship.
• We still fight over her marijuana use.
• We don’t have internet access at home, because it is a luxury. This wouldn’t be so bad, except…
• My laptop hard drive recently died. My desktop hard drive died as well, but that doesn’t really matter.
• My glasses have been an old prescription for a long time, but now I can hardly wear them.
• I don’t know if my previous job is going to hire me back after this “break.”

I don’t escape from all this with drugs or alcohol or even the internet (anymore). I withdraw and deal with it.

Despite these problems, it’s not hard for me to be optimistic. I am in a loving relationship, I have a strong family, and I have a good technical and business background. In the next few days, I will be finishing up some freelance laptop repair, so that will hopefully allow us to put Otaru down and get me some new glasses. My previous employer is notorious for being last-minute, so hopefully I will be employed again, basic wages or no.

I just talked to a friend at a previous job, HFE Electronics. He recently had a heart attack. He is the primary breadwinner in his household. One of my friends at my last job recently found out that the car she recently bought had falsified records, and her former roommate bailed on her for rent.

Things could be a lot worse!

I’m going to go read now.

I noticed it was what was on his shirt as I approached. He was probably about 16. I stopped him, there in the Roseville Public Library, by the entrance.

“Do you actually seize the day?” I inquired.

“What?” He was clearly startled by this random stranger, accosting him in the middle of a public place.

I noticed he had braces. The glasses made him look like he was right out of Superbad. My glasses had gold rims in those days.

“Your shirt. ‘Carpe Diem’ means ‘Seize the Day.’”

“Oh, I guess,” he stammered, put off by my direct question. Maybe he was unaware?

“You definitely should.” My answer was direct, and with the confidence of someone either used to random encounters with strangers, or not in his right mind. I leave it for him to decide!

Life is very short and more often than not, you let other people and circumstances dictate yours.

I wonder if he will consider the slogans on his shirts?

Lots of cars today. I pick up four cans and paint over another tag. The ivy needs trimming again, but I forgot the clippers.

After I’m done, I like to sit and watch passing cars with dad. Today is the thirty year anniversary of his accident with the cement mixer.

(cross-posted to 50wordstory)

It suddenly dawned on me when I noticed that my Dropbox account was unlinked: I erased all my data by cloning the wrong hard drive; I hadn’t used my desktop computer in so long that I had forgotten my own hardware setup. I now have three copies of my BOB_SAGET (C:) system drive and no copies of my TABERNACLE (Z:) data drive. Except for the recent stuff I had moved to the network, I had just lost most of a digital lifetime.

This was about an hour ago. I may still be in shock, but I don’t feel particularly upset at the loss. I haven’t used any of that data in several months, otherwise it would be online. Rather, I feel liberated. I don’t have to sort and categorize 200GB of crap that I will probably never use. I don’t have to burn countless movies to DVD. I don’t have to keep track of it all.

I’ve learned four important lessons from this:

1. I am the greatest risk to my own data.
2. My desktop computer is no longer particularly useful to me.
3. I need to optimize my work environment in such a way that I can literally use any computer.
4. Most of my data wasn’t particularly valuable.

The solution seems to be to convert Mother Speed (the desktop computer) into a strictly development workstation, keep the data on a paid cloud storage account, and to limit my data to that which actually matters.

I feel like a great weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It’s strange that I let my digital life get that cluttered and I didn’t even realize.

This hummus recipe comes from my friend Shawna. She’s made it many times during our Sunday role-playing game, and it is delicious. It satisfies beefy guys like her husband, me, and our mutual friend Richard, all of whom are over 6’ tall and have a similar build. It’s great as a snack, but it can even serve as a meal if you dress it up enough.

Ingredients:

• 1 fat (or 2 small) cloves of garlic or 1/4 tsp garlic paste.
• 1 can rinsed garbanzo beans
• 1/8 to 1/4 tsp salt or less to taste
• 1/8 tsp cumin
• 1/16 tsp cayenne pepper
• 1/4 to 1/2 a lemon’s juice (to consistency; just wetter than warm, runny peanut butter)
• 1/4 tsp tahini (sesame seed paste) or a splash of olive oil to taste

Directions:

1. Using the food processor, chop the garlic well.
2. Add the beans (we like S&W brand) and chop further, until the garlic is invisible and the mixture is mealy.
3. Add the salt, cumin, cayenne pepper, and lemon juice. Stop the processor occasionally to scrape down the sides. Continue until the mixture is softer than dough.
4. Taste it. Is it zippy enough? Be sure of the lemon before adding the tahini/olive oil because both are wet ingredients.
5. Add the tahini or olive oil very slowly into the running processor until the consistency is about that of warm, runny peanut butter.
6. Serve it with some chopped cherry tomatoes and good bread slices. Be sure to lick the spatula when no one is looking!

Preparation time: 15-20 minutes

Additional notes from Friend Shawna:

Consistency is key! I have eaten a lot of icky, runny hummus at restaurants… why!? For use on bread, “warm runny peanut butter” is just the right texture; for chips, just a little softer, but please, no soupy hummus.

If you are going to blend in soft solids like roasted bell pepper, mix them in gently by hand so they maintain their interest and dignity.

I use S&W exclusively because every brand seems to vary widely in salt content and I hate tinkering with the salt.

This recipe was engineered without tahini because I am allergic to it. Adding it in may require adjustment but I understand it is quite good; give it a try if you can find it.

Hummus is like spaghetti and everyone has a different idea about how to do it right. Since it’s so darn expensive at the deli, so cheap to make, and such a flexible dish, it’s worth playing around with until you have it the way you like.

This is an easy recipe we prepare in our crock pot. It’s hearty, delicious, and will leave you satisfied. It serves six and is great with shredded cheddar cheese, sour cream, and corn chips. In the future, I would like to modify this recipe to make a vegetarian, Cincinnati-style chili.

Ingredients:

• 2 tbsp olive oil
• 1 tbsp soy sauce
• 1 tbsp chili powder
• 1/4 tsp cumin
• 1 tsp ground black pepper
• 1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
• 1/2 tbsp oregano
• 4 cloves of garlic, minced
• 1 red onion, chopped
• 1 28 oz can of crushed tomatoes
• 1 1/2 cup of vegetable broth (try Better Than Boullion!)
• 1 6 oz can of tomato paste
• 4 cans of your favorite beans, drained and rinsed (we like 2 black, 1 red, and 1 kidney)
• 1 can corn, drained and rinsed

Also try adding:

• A stalk or two of celery
• A chopped green pepper
• Some sliced carrots

Directions:

1. Chop vegetables and mince garlic. Optionally, sautee both.
2. Combine all ingredients in crock pot, stirring evenly.
3. Turn on low for at least 6 hours, stirring occasionally.
4. The chili will fill your house with wonderful smells throughout the day, but will be ready when it’s no longer runny. Personally, I recommend at least 8 hours, but I like my chili thicker than Becky does.

Preparation time: 15 minutes Cook time: 6-8 hours (start in the morning for best results!)