January 2012
1 post
2 tags
will pay $20 for you to defecate in NEW litter box...
the litter box is behind the two red folding chairs in our front yard. it has clean litter and a fresh liner, so PLEASE DO NOT BRING YOUR OWN LITTER, OR LINER. I CANNOT STAND THAT PINE “ORGANIC” CRAP!
you will ring my doorbell 4 times in the afternoon of the agreed upon day.
i will watch from a distance, to make certain you live up to your end of the bargain. THIS IS THE ONLY...
December 2011
1 post
2 tags
Dream Treehouse Home in Upscale Server (Minecraft)
Built by renowned architect 200found, this home is one of the most unique in the area. At one time it was a featured home on the Minecraft Street of Dreams, an annual luxury home tour. Tucked away in a quiet server of TheShizz County, this elegant home will take your breath away.
This home includes an open design, loft library and workshop, a greatroom with stunning views from its wraparound...
November 2011
1 post
1 tag
Gothic Houseplant for the busy hipster - $15...
Want the joy of a houseplant but are too dark to have living things? Have a busy schedule and don’t have time to feed or water your existing plants?
HOLY CRAP DO I HAVE THE PLANT FOR YOU
This ficus was lovingly trained and starved but now it needs a better home—I am currently unemployed and am tempted to water it.
If you are interested we also have two orchids available.
...
August 2011
3 posts
Your Google+ account has been deleted
We’re sorry to see you leave! Please help us improve by telling us why you are leaving and what we can do better. This survey is optional but your feedback is much appreciated. Please tell us why you’re leaving:
I am doing it partly because I don’t have time for so many social networks, and partly out of protest.
I don’t have time for Google Plus. I already...
“You should eat food. Good food. Not poison. That would be bad. At least to most...”
– Zach
1 tag
Free plaster skull for evil villain, mastermind,...
This skull has served me well as a focus for my villainy and misdeeds, but I am retiring and must part with it.
It is not enchanted or cursed. It is about the size of your fist (not my barbarian, ham-fists).
Her name is “Ginger”.
Evil types, only. Union-preferred. no vampires or clerics, please.
Please include a brief description of your villany and I will pass them on to...
June 2011
1 post
3 tags
Adventures In Death Bus
I don’t know the right way to describe this aspect of me, but I like to cause trouble, to push boundaries, to tinker. When I play games, I like to understand what the developer had in mind, because I have been involved in game development—it’s interesting to me.
Every week or so, I get to play Grand Theft Auto IV (I don’t own a console), and in that game, every vehicle...
March 2011
1 post
1 tag
Attention
A student said to Zen Master Ichu, “Please write for me something of great wisdom.”
Master Ichu picked up his brush and wrote one word: “Attention.”
The student said, “Is that all?”
The master wrote: “Attention. Attention.”
The student became irritable. “That doesn’t seem profound or subtle to me.”
In response, Master Ichu...
February 2011
1 post
3 tags
My Sweet Tea Recipe
On those rare occasions I do entertain, I like to make sure there is some form of tea available, be it Chinese, chai, milk tea, or sweet tea. If I am running low on loose tea to serve or am craving something sweet, I like to make a batch of this.
Measure out a quart (4 cups) of fresh water, and bring to a boil.
Add 3 teaspoons or 3 bags of black tea. I prefer an Assam/oil of bergamot blend....
January 2011
1 post
1 tag
"Why?" Part 1
I often have a hard time answering the question “why Buddhism?” This morning, I woke up with an insight: Zen is housecleaning for your mind.
I don’t generally dream. While I sleep, I think my brain instead just crunches thoughts I’ve pondered throughout the day while it is the least distracted.
I am going to attempt to elaborate on this answer throughout the week.
December 2010
1 post
2 tags
Free Cat to Loving Home or Wherever
FOR YOUR IMMEDIATE CONSIDERATION
One, large, neutered, all-white, 13-year-old male cat with all his shots. Responds to “The White Kitty” and is in good health and fine temperament, with a few minor exceptions.
This cat meows like a broken, skipping record. Even after you feed him, change his litter and water, pet him, and keep him warm, he will not relent. It may seem completely...
November 2010
2 posts
Anonymous asked: who was OldDirtyBtard?
2 tags
RIP, OldDirtyBtard
I was just now informed that ODB finally committed suicide. We weren’t too close, but I’d like to say a few words.
He was a good guy to me; always helpful, funny, and nice. He showed me around Encyclopedia Dramatica so I wouldn’t look like a fool, and taught me how to use wikis. He gave me good advice during some internet drama I’m not particularly proud of.
After I...
October 2010
0 posts
1 tag
The Queen's Wave
For some reason, people love to shout at me while I walk home from work. Maybe it’s my height or my new beard, or that I’m read-walking, but today I managed to interrupt them with loud laughter. It was just quick enough that I could see their reply expression.
Friend Shawna taught me a similar technique for dealing with obnoxious drivers: get everyone else in the car to slowly do...
September 2010
8 posts
2 tags
A Concerned Letter to the Banned Book Week Project...
Greetings, fellow caretakers, librarians, intellectuals, and members of bannedbooksweek.org. I am writing to encourage you to remove any mention of J.D. Salinger’s The Catcher in the Rye from your list, campaign, and website, so future generations of students may be saved from the chore of reading this “classic.”
While it’s a classic in the sense that it is widely...
1 tag
"Kindness" by Naomi Shihab Nye
Before you know what kindness really is
you must lose things,
feel the future dissolve in a moment
like salt in a weakened broth.
What you held in your hand,
what you counted and carefully saved,
all this must go so you know
how desolate the landscape can be
between the regions of kindness.
How you ride and ride
thinking the bus will never stop,
the passengers eating maize and chicken
will stare...
1 tag
Passion sets a Precedent
Your passion will not only inspire others, it will make it more acceptable for them to follow in your footsteps. This is important to remember while your critics are sharpening your swords.
Being truthful, speaking my mind about what needs to be done, and following the [written] rules may cost me my job, but I have the satisfaction of genuine improvement and I sleep well at night.
If I am...
3 tags
My Review of "9/11"
“A group of militant, mostly Saudi troublemakers convince the superpowers of the world to strip away many of their freedoms in the most ineffective and expensive game of cat and mouse ever.”
Several new friends of mine have asked me the old question “why is 9/11 a joke to you?” and my answer is still: I read a lot of Kurt Vonnegut Jr. If he was still alive, I am certain...
3 tags
I Really Like Pie
Brad: Someone is feeding me the old argument that if enough people don't vote, it will send a message to Washington, and somehow, things will change, as though inaction is a boycott. Naturally, I pointed out that if only 10% of people vote, then they simply hold all the power.
Brad: If other people stop eating the pie out of principle, it means more pie for those who still partake.
Brad: And shit, I love pie.
Brad: I wish I had a pie fetish.
Brad: Except I wouldn't stick my dick in a pie, I would just dive into it.
Brad: See, that would be the best thing about those micro sex fetishes: pie and all other delicious food is bigger.
Brad: Ha, I was just about to write "who gives a shit about sex."
Brad: Man, I am getting old.
Brad: Apparently I rank food higher than sex now.
Brad: Becky was watching this one TV show about people going to a strip club, and one of the older main characters was saying how such clubs were degrading, but suddenly exclaimed "come to poppa!" -- he was talking about the breakfast and wings buffet, offscreen.
2 tags
The Roseville Adventure Club
Greetings, Roseville city worker, kind enough to read this message.
I am writing out of concern for the clever but misleading name of the Roseville Adventure Club.
I ride by every weekday morning on my bicycle, and I finally thought that today would be a good day to inquire about adventure, only to find out there is none to be had for a person my age — your facility is a cleverly-named...
2 tags
Why I Don't Play The Sims
Shannon: I had to add a blog about James Spader; I couldn't help myself. It's titled: James Spader -- The sick fucker for me.
Shannon: I lump my Sims stuff with my normal stuff, 'cause I like to add pictures. I love my screenshots, especially because I can make sims that look like real people, anime chacters, whatever.
Brad: Real life sim counterparts are the best.
Brad: They could repace our legal system. Both sides would present arguments in menu form, and the Sims would work it out. The sad clown would be the judge and faulty kitchen wiring, the method of execution. Every crime carries a death sentence.
August 2010
3 posts
2 tags
Grocery List, by Aisle, with Google Docs
Becky and I have two very different styles of grocery shopping. I shop like my mother, entertaining possibilities while traversing all the aisles. She swears to never accompany me to Target ever again.
Behold, our compromise:
I print out two copies of a spreadsheet of items, with columns for Item Aisle, and Meal. When creating the list, I sort it by Meal, and delete (or hide) the dinner...
2 tags
Hi, Eric Smith!
This is Eric Smith.
Back in October, he was responsible for distributing the company newsletter and calender PDF files for my employer. As you can see, he used a photo of himself.
Like any good employee who prints out and uses company calenders, I used mine for the entire month. And then in November, when the next one didn’t arrive. And in December, and ever since, because frankly,...
1 tag
Rest In Peace, Otaru: A Good Kitty
We put Otaru down yesterday morning. Despite our efforts, his urinary tract problems became too severe and it was clear there was nothing more we could do.
I buried him in the yard and marked his grave with a ring of stones.
Click this picture to see an album of some of my favorite pictures of him. I’ll be adding more as I upload them.
I have more I’d like to add, but maybe...
July 2010
6 posts
2 tags
Kindness Before Awareness
I’m not a particularly devout Buddhist, but I would like to share the only teaching that has ever truly resonated with me, that I’ve ever “learned”:
Be kind to life and aware of reality, in that order.
On the surface, this seems like a reversal of the order of The Four Noble Truths, but in my opinion, fostering a sense of kindness in one’s practice should be a...
1 tag
"Carpe Diem"
I noticed it was what was on his shirt as I approached. He was probably about 16. I stopped him, there in the Roseville Public Library, by the entrance.
“Do you actually seize the day?” I inquired.
“What?” He was clearly startled by this random stranger, accosting him in the middle of a public place.
I noticed he had braces. The glasses made him look like he was right...
2 tags
Walter P. Reuther Bridge
Lots of cars today. I pick up four cans and paint over another tag. The ivy needs trimming again, but I forgot the clippers.
After I’m done, I like to sit and watch passing cars with dad. Today is the thirty year anniversary of his accident with the cement mixer.
(cross-posted to 50wordstory)
3 tags
Friend Shawna's Hummus Recipe
This hummus recipe comes from my friend Shawna. She’s made it many times during our Sunday role-playing game, and it is delicious. It satisfies beefy guys like her husband, me, and our mutual friend Richard, all of whom are over 6’ tall and have a similar build. It’s great as a snack, but it can even serve as a meal if you dress it up enough.
Ingredients:
1 fat (or 2 small)...
2 tags
Becky's Wonderful Vegan Chili Recipe
It’s fall again, so I updated this recipe and am reposting it, complete with a picture and a bit more explanation.
It’s not always easy for Becky and I to agree on food, as she’s vegetarian and I like nearly everything except plain coffee. However, this chili is great for both of us and great for the cool weather. It’s hearty, delicious, and will leave you...
3 tags
Slam with the Best or Jam with the Rest
Barkley, Shut Up and Jam: Gaiden is a cross between a Space Jam RPG and a sequel to Barkley Shut Up And Jam!. It takes place in a post-apocalyptic future where the world was destroyed by basketball, or as it’s known in-game, “b-ball.” Future Charles Barkley and his son “Hoopz” are refugees in Neo-New York, trying to survive the basketball cataclysm. It stars various...
June 2010
6 posts
1 tag
How to Create a Memorable RPG Character and Enjoy...
Come up with an interesting theme you absolutely love, and specialize. The GM will help you round out your character as you play. But don’t sacrifice stats. The GM will use this against you, later.
Resist the urge to play a fantasy version of yourself unless you are, yourself, a very interesting and charismatic person. Nothing says predictable and boring like the guy who always plays the...
2 tags
The results of Googling "Lunix" →
BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War. It is based on a program called “xenix”, which was written by Microsoft for the US government. These programs are used by hackers to break into other people’s computer systems to steal credit...
4 tags
You are all Playing Sunday Game
It started with Tom’s mother, Beverley, who, in the presence of about 30 Mormons over to help us all clean out their garage, used the term to describe my relationship with these friends that had nothing to do with family, church, or marriage:
Our motley crew convened every Sunday to take part in a shared storytelling experience, wherein we would create fantastic, heroic, tragic characters,...
1 tag
Why I Should Not be in Politics, Reason #1
I would pass a law for truth in city planning. Thus, if you drove down Elm Lane, there would be at least a single Elm tree down each block. Patriotic Drive must have no less than one flag or eagle, and Lakewood Avenue should be adjacent to a lake.
The only thing I believe such a law would accomplish is that children will no longer ask the question “mommy, if this street is called Deer...
2 tags
“If you’re describing something [on Twitter], you’re not actually...”
– Lewis Black
3 tags
Fresh Potatoes
One of my close friends had a pretty terrible childhood, but at least his stories are funny.
His mother had a penchant for striking him whenever an insecurity struck her, so most of the stories he relays to me about that period of his life generally end with “… and then she beat me!”
It follows that he has issues with her.
My coworker happens to share his mother’s...
May 2010
6 posts
2 tags
Ubuntu Lunix 10 Review
I had heard about a new direction that Canonical was taking with consumer Lunix, so I decided to give it a try on the borrowed laptop I use exclusively for Friday (aka Sunday) game.
Here are the steps I took:
Backed up everything on Dropbox. I do nothing major to any laptop without making sure all my data is here. All my recent data is synced across all my computers and I can access it at any...
1 tag
"Lunix"
Do you know or care what Linux is? Neither does my Blackberry. I like this new misspelling.
3 tags
2 tags
FrontPage Disease →
This is like David’s Bridal x Timecube x Numba1stunna. Best yet, I think it’s real. Thanks, Clients From Hell!
3 tags
Shoot it!
My first experiment with Filipino cooking, as suggested by Coworker Jacob: 2 scrambled eggs (+salt & pepper), 1 can of somewhat-drained tuna added halfway in, served next to rice, with some seaweed on the side.
Also, Tang, because I’m an astronaut.
It turned out quite well! Some hot sauce gave it a kick and I would make it again. Next time, I will try spam musubi, which is...
1 tag
Write
While helping 3 people work on their writing projects, it occurred to me that I should restart mine.