the litter box is behind the two red folding chairs in our front yard. it has clean litter and a fresh liner, so PLEASE DO NOT BRING YOUR OWN LITTER, OR LINER. I CANNOT STAND THAT PINE “ORGANIC” CRAP!

you will ring my doorbell 4 times in the afternoon of the agreed upon day.

i will watch from a distance, to make certain you live up to your end of the bargain. THIS IS THE ONLY REASON because i am not a voyeur.

there will be toilet paper and a garden hose available just in case.

i will drop $20 through the mail slot after you finish and ring the doorbell one final time.

WE WILL HAVE NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER.

if you have done this before i am open to negotiation.

IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU ARE NOT A SEX PROFESSIONAL

• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
• Compensation: $20 USD

Yeah, this is a re-post, but I thought I would try for the yay area. I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again—this is basically the best Craigslist template, ever.

Built by renowned architect 200found, this home is one of the most unique in the area. At one time it was a featured home on the Minecraft Street of Dreams, an annual luxury home tour. Tucked away in a quiet server of TheShizz County, this elegant home will take your breath away.

This home includes an open design, loft library and workshop, a greatroom with stunning views from its wraparound decks and ready access to nearby mines, lava, and water. The property requires no maintenance or watering, featuring native oaks, stone and obsidian. Sheep often graze beside the house and a fence keeps most creepers and zombies at bay. The front door is reached via an elevated bridge structure that passes through the oaks.

Other amenities include:

• Swimming pond connected via wooden waterway
• Vaulted mushroom ceilings and floors
• Reinforced cobblestone columns
• Lava defense system
• Treasure room
• Lovely wildlife views
• Integrated and tasteful lighting throughout

Neighborhood: TheShizz server has always boasted a family friendly community with plenty to do! The house is close to an underground farm and mob spawner and its many recreational activities nearby. There is easy access to the nearby river trail, a wishing well, underground ravine for hunting and mining, and even a public portal to the Nether!

• Location: TheShizz
• it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Want the joy of a houseplant but are too dark to have living things? Have a busy schedule and don’t have time to feed or water your existing plants?

HOLY CRAP DO I HAVE THE PLANT FOR YOU

This ficus was lovingly trained and starved but now it needs a better home—I am currently unemployed and am tempted to water it.

If you are interested we also have two orchids available.

Pots not included.

This skull has served me well as a focus for my villainy and misdeeds, but I am retiring and must part with it.

It is not enchanted or cursed. It is about the size of your fist (not my barbarian, ham-fists).

Her name is “Ginger”.

Evil types, only. Union-preferred. no vampires or clerics, please.

Please include a brief description of your villany and I will pass them on to Ginger for judgment.

UPDATE: Included is the correspondence from “Juan”:

looking to pick up the skull for my pirate fish tank decoration were you located if you still have it

Hello Juan. Ginger does not view the bottom of a fish tank as a place of honor. Thank you anyway.

—Brad

its a fucking school made of shit that goes on your arm when broke get a life dude

Juan, I’m afraid your message was not well-received by Ginger. She alternated between annoyance about how you ignored the specific requests in the ad, confusion about your mysterious phrasing, and anger about your overall tone. But I assure you, her requests for me to start a dark ritual involving Lord Satan (praise be to Him) at the suggestion she live a life covered with fish poop has been ignored.

—Brad

you need jesus in your life nicca head torwards some light and leave behind your holiday frights for halloween buddy its only 2 months away woooooosaaaaaaaa,reapeat with ginger woooooosssaaaaaaaaa

Hello again, Juan. I am not certain who Jesus of Nicca is, however, I looked up your name in the union records, and practicing the dark arts (specifically chanting) without a license or membership in the greater union can get you in a lot of trouble, ESPECIALLY around Hallows Eve.

As for your advice regarding light, that is a mere cantrip, and are at-will.

—Brad

UPDATE: Justen pays me a compliment.

This would look good on my dresser I can pick it up later today

Hi Justen. Your last name sounds fairly evil. Can you please confirm for Ginger, perhaps with a tale of a dastardly deed? Thanks in advance!

—Brad

 Dude I just want the skull cuz it looks cool but you are downright fuckin weird so never mind

Hi Justen. Thank you for the compliment. As the ad stated, I was looking for an evil home for Ginger. Thanks anyway!

—Brad

More, later.